hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
