I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I could fuck to npr.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
