Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
