hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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