I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
