You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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