im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
