just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
