I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
