Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
