So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
