who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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