he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
