If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
