A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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