yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
