Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
