i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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