I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
