Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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