I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
