Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
