she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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