Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Pappa wants mamma naked
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
