omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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