im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Still dying that you shit outside
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
