Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize