you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
