Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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