Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
