i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
