Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
