Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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