You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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