this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
