I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
