Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
