i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
