Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
