My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We need to get me chipped asap
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
