maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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