if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
