How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
