She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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