I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
