I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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