I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
