I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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