if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize