I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
