i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
