The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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