I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
