Your face is a jimmy john
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
