How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
