Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
