My underwear smells like fireworks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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