Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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