Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
