He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
