remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
