No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
