tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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