My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize