I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
