Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
