He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
