No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
