When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
