i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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