We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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