i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
there is puke in my bra ... again
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