im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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